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Talkabout Tuesday 18: Trust and What Students Need

ai-in-the-air_tt-ep-18
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Summary

Adults like Sudbury concept but don't understand what kids actually need to develop. Adults already developed - they're missing knowledge (most school knowledge forgotten), but kids need social/emotional skills. Students here learn to deal with people, manage emotions in conversation. What looks like "screwing around" is essential development. Long-time students have open minds; new students (especially older recovering from conventional school) need time to "wipe out bad mojo." Trust required because nothing is checkbox-able.

Transcript

0:00 Welcome to ANI in the air talk about Tuesday where I talk about something
0:05 related to the school. So I was thinking today about the importance of trust. I've
0:14 probably talked about it a few times and you know just it's one of those things
0:22 that's you know very hard for adults to accept. They like the sound of our school
0:32 of you know our students deciding you know what to do with their day you know
0:40 doing their thing but I think adults don't really have a conception as to
0:49 what you know our students actually need to do in order to develop themselves. I
0:57 think it comes a lot from the fact that you know adults have by and large by the
1:03 time they have a child at a school like ours you know they've developed
1:08 themselves into adults somehow and so you know the things that are missing for
1:16 them are not the things that are missing for kids. What's missing for them is
1:21 actually often even though they spent possibly 13 years in conventional school
1:26 or 17 college or in my case I guess like 22 years going to graduate school you
1:37 know you know all that knowledge that's there most of us don't retain. We learned
1:42 some although I tend to always be surprised when I talk to people and and
1:50 they seem to be missing various basic important pieces not just in math
1:55 although that's certainly a big chunk of things but you know all sorts of things
1:59 history and literature I mean I'm pretty woefully unread from classical
2:06 literature books. I read many of them when I was young and have zero
2:11 recollection of them and I imagine I would have extremely different takes on
2:17 them if I read them now you know science history all these things all that
2:25 knowledge if you don't use it it just goes away even even knowledge that one
2:32 comes up with oneself you know I have a tool I wrote called that implements a
2:40 programming paradigm called literate programming and like I keep having to
2:45 look stuff up I wrote it I've been using it for 10 years I still have to look it
2:49 up I made it so you know knowing stuff is hard business what isn't hard is
2:57 learning how to deal with well I should say what isn't hard is retaining how to
3:03 deal with people once you figure it out but it's very hard to actually learn how
3:07 to do that a lot of it has to do with managing this one one's own emotions in
3:16 conversing with people you know there's a whole slew of emotions that always
3:22 come up whenever one's dealing with people one kind or another and it's
3:28 really hard to to control them particularly in the moment when you're
3:33 trying to come up with stuff to say and you're trying to be accurate and and
3:38 listening to them and coming up with something useful and you know making it
3:42 a protective time in one way or another whether it's an enjoyable conversation
3:47 or some conversation with some you know with some purpose to it don't be hard
3:55 you know that's a lot of what students do here the younger ones are still
4:01 trying to figure out just the basics of how the world works if I do this or do
4:05 that what happens right and you know that they're also trying to figure out
4:14 how these devices integrate with our lives because it's you know it's not
4:20 trivial figuring out what this thing with the screen is you know you can do
4:26 some stuff and make things happen but to really have it on a really deep level
4:33 you know it takes time and our students you know do it in a way that seems fun
4:40 and to adults eyes those often those fun things look really tedious and terrible
4:46 and pointless you know if I'm looking around at what students are doing it's
4:55 it's hard to justify it from an adult perspective what are they really doing
4:59 but they're learning they're learning something amazing they're learning about
5:05 you know I'm kind of seeing these kind of maybe nuggets or something I don't
5:12 know they kind of like hop around almost like a frog you know and it's
5:18 challenging to do that physically and they're communicating and you know
5:25 like there's a whole slew of things that are going on and yet a casual adult or
5:32 even many other kids who are not part of this environment would say no I hate
5:37 people doing they're just screwing around but that's what they're supposed
5:40 to be doing and you know that's where trust comes in because we don't
5:44 understand it as adults we don't I mean I'm I've been here for five six years
5:49 I've seen all sorts of things and all sorts of stuff surprising me you know
5:54 like you know I just always amazed at what you know the students can do I
6:03 guess I'm less amazed now because I've experienced it enough times but if
6:08 someone said well how'd they figure out how to do that why can they do that I'd
6:12 be like I have no idea I just can and I can quickly pick up stuff you know the
6:17 ones who have been here a long time their brains are open their minds are
6:21 wandering voyaging you know they hear and they understand the new ones you
6:30 know it's often very hard to almost communicate with them because their
6:35 minds aren't open they're their minds you know particularly the older ones
6:41 that are recovering from some very problematic conventional school setting
6:45 and I mean problematic in the sense of not not necessarily you know problem
6:52 problems but like you know they didn't really get to do much and I had to spend
6:59 a lot of time on classes and work and whatever you know that's really gonna be
7:04 challenging to communicate with them and over time that challenge disappears they
7:10 figure out how how it all works you know how to be present in the moment how to
7:19 be a participant in their own lives in and for them you know it often involves
7:27 really shutting down a long time to wipe out all the the bad mojo that they've
7:35 had to experience of you know the just just just kick it out to the curb you
7:42 know young adults they often you know do that after they're done with their
7:48 schooling if they haven't leaped right into a job or if they have a lot of free
7:53 time despite having a job you know they it looks like they're you know
7:58 oftentimes they shut down it's like then you know the kid in the proverbial
8:03 basements like what are you doing down there for years you know and it's like
8:08 they're undoing all that stuff and then hopefully over time they they get better
8:13 the younger this process happens the shorter that period of time is and the
8:18 stronger they can come back yeah you know people do these things
8:26 yeah yeah so you know it involves trust I don't know if this is really a message
8:35 of trust but I mean I guess it's yeah it's just like thinking about you know I
8:42 mean I mean it fundamentally comes down to trust there's nothing producible
8:46 there's nothing checkbox II there's nothing you can't say do this do that
8:51 you know I often also think about you know wanting to say something to you
8:58 know our teens about getting ready for the next steps so we do have check-in
9:02 meetings at the beginning of the year to to say some stuff and you know yeah you
9:08 know just like hey you want to go to college do this do that if you you know
9:16 want to get job do this or do that or you know like I want to prepare them for
9:21 the next steps but you know it's like just look around at what they're
9:26 actually doing it's like you know what I think this is what they probably need
9:29 some of them will do those steps they're ready but a lot of them are you know
9:35 wanting to you know really delve into being a teen with other teens all that
9:45 socializing all that figuring out all that emotion that's that's you know
9:58 that's what's difficult is just really accepting them as they are not getting
10:07 into their business just trusting that they're kind of figured out and hoping
10:13 that nothing you know problematic actually does happen that's why we are
10:18 here as staff in case something does occasionally does and we help the
10:25 community deal with it but you know for the most part it's just trusting that
10:30 everything is this happening well I think I rambled along rambled along
10:39 enough so I will see you when I see you